The Psychology of Being Different

All guys think they understand women. It’s something we intrinsically subscribe to. We get a few girls’ numbers at a bar and automatically we become masters of attraction or something. While it can be a great thought, thinking we know what drives female attraction and how to attract any girl in any situation, sadly there is very little evidence to support this.Take the guy that goes on a date with a girl. After grabbing something light to eat at a local restaurant, they then proceed to the cinema to catch a flick. It’s all pretty standard stuff, until you look more closely and consult psychology for further analysis to reveal that it’s all completely wrong! But “what’s wrong with this” you might be asking at his point. “It’s just the cinema and a meal”.

In this article, the psychologists of attraction at discuss the psychological importance of being different in your approach to women. Keep reading…

The fact is, we have become lazy. We are just like every other guy out there. We do the old same thing. We meet a girl in a club, we get their her number, we text a few times and then we agree to go on a date. We take them to the same old boring destinations where every body else goes to and we talk about the same boring conversational topics as every other guy out there too. Largely, this boringness is driven by our unconscious desire to keep things simple and to stay in line with what other people are doing, and thus ‘boring’ becomes to the default option.

Rather than breaking from the mould mold and being different and really doing what it takes in getting a girl to like you, we would rather preserve our brain’s resources by not having to do too much thinking, and sticking with what we’ve always been doing. Being the boring guy!

Hence why we will still continue to opt for the boring cinema-meal combo every single time and continue to make the same old mistakes that we’ve always done. Boring does not spark an emotional connection. You want to be the first thing she thinks about when she wakes up and the last thing she thinks about before going to bed, and you want her to be craving for the next opportunity to see you. Boring does not get you this – and far from it.

The key to really attracting women is to be different. I don’t mean pulling up to the club in a full snake-skin suit armed with a table leg for a cane and a pink Mohawk – just standing out enough from the crowd and doing things a little different from the next man, and willing to take a few risks is all you need.


Bars / Nightclubs: Don’t ask her what she does for a job as your opening line. Be creative! One of my favorites is to walk straight up to a girl in a club and ask her what’s one of her favourite songs to dance to, and when she gives her answer, go straight to the DJ and ask them to play it. Unconsciously, she will perceive this as you doing her a favor, which creates a powerful psychological anchor where she now feels compelled to continue interacting with you. And hey, they’re now playing her favourite song and you are the root cause of it. So who’s she going to think of next time that song comes on?

Date Ideas: Instead of hitting the cinema for the first date, take her to a place she’s never been before and always wanted to go! Go somewhere exciting that drives dialogue like the zoo or to an amusement park. Our brain is notoriously renowned for taking what we encounter in one context and applying it to our object of focus. Therefore an exciting and interesting date location is likely to make her perceive you as more distinctive and interesting! Psychologically, a boring date will lead her to categorize you into the same bracket as every guy out there – incapable of trying something new and down right boring.

Texting: Rather than texting her saying “Hey, you Ok? What you up to?”, text her something out of the blue that is going to make her laugh or spark an engaging conversation. It could be something completely random but it doesn’t matter!

Talk to her friends: Surprisingly, many men fail to understand the importance of getting the girl you’re attracted to friends on your side and will disregard them completely! Every guy that’s great with women understands that social proof is a powerful attraction generator. What others think and how they behave taps into deep psychological processes in our brain that influence our own thoughts and actions. Therefore, it’s crucial to talk to her friends and interact with them too!

Being different should be valued and applied in all areas in your approach to women and dating. Interestingly, from the way our minds work, she will be unlikely to consciously pick up on these subtleties. More than likely she will describe you as “there’s just something different about him” but won’t be able to put her finger on it. This is a truly brilliant place for any guy, as it constitutes as mystery – which women are intrinsically attracted to!

So, c’mon guys, it’s time to wake up and think outside the box and begin to think a little differently in our approach to women.