Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves when we talk to women? We are the same guys that stand in front of business clients, do sales pitches, and explain quarterly reports to VIP’s. Our livelihoods depend on those interactions, yet we breeze right through them. Bring in a girl we are interested in and we stutter, get sweaty armpits, and stumble over words we learned as children. “My name is Bob , can I get you anything?” turns into, “Hi, mm, I’m um Bob- uh, are you, um, ok or uhhh, you er, need anything?” Why do guys put so much pressure on themselves when they talk to a girl?
The number 1 reason guys are so nervous talking to women is because they are trying so hard to make a good impression. When we place an order in a restaurant, thank the cashier at Wal-Mart, or have a conversation with someone while we wait for the bus, there is no pressure, no reason to worry about what the other person is thinking. But as soon as we have to carry on a conversation that could have relationship implications, our brains go dizzy with nerves. We fill up with anxiety and get self-conscious. Do guys really think women want someone standing in front of them sputtering out incoherent sentences? No, they know better. They just don’t know how to fix it.
Let’s take a rational look at the situation. She is just a girl, a very hot girl, but just a girl nonetheless. You want to ask her out because she is nice, polite, and maybe you admire how she treats everybody with respect and courtesy. With all those fabulous attributes, do you really think she is going to turn into a hateful, mean-spirited, judgmental jerk the minute you talk to her? Of course not. She is still going to be nice, polite, respectful and courteous. We just need to reflect those same characteristics and all will be fine.
Yet still, we so bad want her to like us. We want her to see that we are smart, charming, funny, and sincere. What if we mess up? What if she walks away with the wrong impression? Realistically, how could that happen? If you really are smart, charming, funny, and sincere, then how could you come across as anything different? Unless you are trying to be someone you’re not, there is really no chance that she can see anything but what you really are. (Even if you have to mumble or stumble to show her.)
But what if she isn’t interested in me? What if she rejects me? Ok… what if she does? What if you ask her out and she says no? What’s the worst that can happen? Will you burst into tears? Will you die on the spot? Will there really be any change in your daily life? Most likely, you will be a little embarrassed, say thanks anyway, and go about your day. No harm done. NO BIG DEAL. No reason to get all worked up. I bet you will find a replacement fairly quickly.
It’s time to take the power back and make this thing an even playing field. We give women way too much power over how we will act, dress, and even what we are going to say. The worst part is they don’t even KNOW they have these powers. So the time has come for men to take back our own thoughts and actions. We no longer need to rehearse what we want to say just so it can come out a big mumbled mess. We need to realize that we are pretty good catches and that she will see that too.