Confidence and Dating

So many men that seek advice about dating are looking for sure-fire pick up lines and techniques to get women to fall for them. But really, why would you want to “trick” a woman into falling for you? Why would you want to use tips that some other guy, who is nothing like you, used to get his girlfriend? If you are looking for a short-term, superficial goal then maybe that strategy will work. But for those looking to change their lives and really have success with women, pick-up lines, dating tricks and hook up techniques, will fall short of your expectations.

Let’s say you are waiting for a taxi and you see the most intriguing woman on the other side of the road. As men, we will stare and maybe wave or smile if we catch her attention, but then get into our taxi and drive away, almost relieved that we didn’t have to talk to her. We feel like we weren’t “prepared” or “ready” to have that conversation yet. We need to ask someone what we should do or say if we see her again. Why? Most men do not posses the self-confidence to take that chance or risk hearing a rejection. So, if we use someone else’s advice and we fail, then it is THEIR fault for giving bad advice, not our fault for being inadequate. On the negative side, this cycle can go one forever without any positive results. On the positive side, it’s never our own fault that we did not achieve what we set out to do.

So how do you break this cycle? The answer is both easy and hard. Self-confidence. As people, not just men, we allow situations and other people’s opinions define how we see ourselves. We need to have the confidence in ourselves that no matter what we do, what risk we take, what challenge we stand up to, we are still the same person no matter the outcome. If a girl uses that ever-powerful word, “No,” that does not define you as a man. If you get the fortunate, “Yes,” that doesn’t make you anymore of a man than you were before you started. If you think logically, before you meet a girl, you are thinking you are a pretty good-looking guy, nice personality, funny when appropriate, and pretty successful in your career. Feeling pretty good, you ask that girl out. If she says yes, does that mean everything we thought about ourselves is correct, and if she says no, then what we thought was wrong? Did everything change when she uttered that 2-letter word? Absolutely not. We need to realize that our opinions of ourselves need to come from within. We need to change the way we think in order to find successful relationships.

If we can see the positive aspects of ourselves, thrive off our unequivocal aspects, and walk around proud of who we are and what we have accomplished, then we can carry that confidence into every aspect of our lives. Instead of walking up to an attractive girl with the fear of rejection and paranoia of being judged, we could walk up to any girl with the same calmness and confidence that we use to order a value meal at McDonalds. We would have a feeling of comfort knowing that what we have to offer is pretty darn good. If she chooses to decline, then that is her loss and probably not someone you would want to be with anyway. Wouldn’t it feel good to be able to be yourself because yourself is pretty awesome?

Self-confidence is the only thing you need to succeed in the world of dating. Everything else is just smoke and mirrors and eventually the real you will surface. Don’t you want that real you to be someone who is confident in their own self-worth, not defined by society or judgements, but a product of your own positive thoughts and well being? If you can truly admire and respect yourself, then there is a good chance that everyone else will too.